


Love Somebody (Else)

by mattaretto



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 19:10:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17493608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattaretto/pseuds/mattaretto
Summary: Steve Rogers is in love.





	Love Somebody (Else)

Steve Rogers was in love. Helplessly, utterly, in love. But he was too late. He was always too late, he’d waited too long. But that’s what he was known for, right? Waiting too long. By the time he’d worked up the courage, his best friend already had. But that’s what he gets, right? For waiting too long. Maybe she’d be his if he’d talked about it. But that’s what he gets, right? For keeping it to himself.

He tries to convince himself that it’ll go away. That the empty feeling when she’s not around isn’t because she’s not there. And for a while it works, he goes a week without seeing her, and he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t love her. Then she walks in the room, smiling brightly like she’s known for, and suddenly he can’t stop thinking about her. 

He can’t stop thinking about her crooked smile, how her hair falls, how her eyes light up when she talks about something she’s passionate about, how her nose crinkles when she laughs. He doesn’t stop thinking about how she smells of lavender and honey, or how she’ll start baking once she gets half a glass of alcohol in her. 

Then he sees him with her. And he remembers how she can’t ever be his. He tells himself that the twisted feeling in the bottom of his stomach, isn’t jealousy, that it’s something else. But he knows, he knows in the way his fist clenches, and his posture straightens, that it is. And he tries his best to ignore it, he really does, but he can’t help but stare daggers at his best friend whenever he sees them together.

His best friend notices. Notices the change in his demeanor whenever his arm is wrapped around her waist, or she kisses his cheek. And he pretends he doesn’t know what it’s about, pretends that Steve isn’t jealous. 

So after a few months of watching them together, become closer, and hearing them say ‘I love you,’ Steve makes his decision. He has to get over her. And he tries, Jesus Christ does he try. He goes out more often, he agrees to go on those dates Sam wants him to go on. But nothing works. Nothing compares to her smile or her giggle. And maybe that’s a part of the issue, he keeps comparing. He doesn’t see each smile for their own beauty, just the beauty compared to hers, and they’re never close. 

So he decides to take a road trip. He decides to pack his bags, put them in his car, and clear his mind. He decides that if he travels, he’ll get over her. That if he cuts off all contact with everyone, and just focuses on himself, and whoever he meets on his travels, he’ll stop loving her. 

So he tells them. That he’s going on a road trip, with no destination in mind. He says that he needs to clear his mind, that the lines have blurred over the years and he’s not sure who he is anymore, what he stands for anymore. He asks them not to contact him, that he’ll be back eventually, even if he’s not sure when. He asks them to tell everyone else, that he doesn’t want to deal with them trying to talk him out of it, even though he knows most of them wouldn’t. 

They both understand, but both are reluctant to see him go. And his heart nearly breaks at the sadness in her eyes when he says he’s leaving. But he’s convinced that this what he needs, and he pretends not to see the tears welling in her eyes. He tells himself that he can’t let that stop him. That he needs this. So he gives his best friend a hug, who tells him to take care of himself, to send postcards every once and awhile. And even though he says he will, they both know he won’t. 

Then he gives her a hug. And his arms wrap around her waist as her arms go around her neck. He holds her close, takes in her scent one last time. He pulls back sooner than he would like to, but he knows he has to. He looks her in the eyes and smiles, placing his hands on her shoulders. Her hands come to rest on her arms as he says ‘Thank you, for everything.’ 

And though confused, she smiles back, tells him ‘you’re welcome.’ And he takes the moment to memorize her smile before he leaves. And once he’s driving down the road he has to tell himself that this is what he needs. That he can’t turn around and go back. He tells himself this is what he needs to get over. This is what he needs to love somebody else.


End file.
